Bathroom Blues

November 7, 2009

No, I don’t mean the decor. I’m talking about that feeling you can get at three AM (or anytime at all) when you are ensconced on the porcelain throne and there’s no toilet paper anywhere in sight. Its been years since I’ve had to look around for pages from the Sears catalog; I’ve gotten very fond of two ply tissue instead. So when the roomies use it up and forget about replacements, its a damp and dreary feeling. But never fear! There’s a cure–it starts with a little knowledge and continues with a little bit of thought. In the interest of bathroom humor and etiquette for all, here’s a look at the poster I had made up (using Adobe Illustrator and its awesome 3D modeling tool) for the folks here at my place.

how to change a roll of toilet paper


Betty’s Big Top

November 5, 2009

Betty's BigTop CircusThose rumors about yer old Aunt Acid running away to join the circus just aren’t true. Its been a while since I posted last but it is in pursuit of showbiz dreams that don’t involve near as much sawdust, though there are sequins aplenty. If I WERE going to spend a season or two, it would be as one of the acts with Betty’s Big Top Circus. They don’t hardly make ‘em any bigger and bolder than Betty. And those Italian aerialists brothers and cousins with her sure can move around fast and smoothly, on or off the wire.

Here’s a peek at the logo, rendered using Adobe Illustrator.

 

 


soup can

August 1, 2009


soup can

Originally uploaded by sarajane helm

Some things simply don’t come canned and condensed, and Aunt Acid’s one of them–so’s her 3 Mother’s chicken soup, made using a blend of recipes from Chinese, Jewish and Hippy Earth Mothers. But it DOES make for a nice graphic and this one was for my 3d assignment in Adobe PhotoshopII.

The real thing is well worth making–freeze some and have it handy when somebody has a cold–this one burns out all the germs and even cuts through the dreaded rubber-cement mucus.

With peppers, onions, garlic, mustard, horseradish, ginger, lemon and more in this delicious soup, you’ll find you can breath again. Its practically an Auntie-biotic!


Someone’s In The Kitchen With Aunty….

July 2, 2009


What’s cooking with Aunt Acid!

Originally uploaded by sarajane helm

I’m serving up a look at another assignment in my Photoshop II class. This one was to design a book cover using the various masks and modes that we’ve been studying. I also used three photos (good thing I’m also taking a digital photography class) and a food image that I created in Illustrator last semester–I LOVE Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop! (and I love using my homework more than once….thats Creative Leftovers which can be lovely reheated or served cold!

So here’s a look at what’s been cooking here at my house. Someday I’ll put the insides of this book together—I’m saving up some great recipes. But only the cover was this week’s project!

cookbook1


Aunty Warhol

April 18, 2009

If Aunt Acid were to write a tell-all book about her life as a modern muse and spokesmodel, this might be it. Of course, she’d NEVER do that—there are some things a body just keeps to themselves, if they are honorable.  And then there’s the stories you tell at private parties but never in print.  Although the most fascinating details might never hit print, there’s always something of interest going in THIS spokesmodel’s career, and its not just hitting the runways, or hitting the help like SOME supermodels. We pick up after ourselves around here, ladies and gents,  in the belief that no one is so special they can’t put their own undies in the hamper.

A calender of artistic spoofs is in the works for some future year, and here you see a print of Aunty in the style of Andy.


Aunt Acid’s Flower Power

April 8, 2009

helm-project2amuchaApril is always full of surprises, such as weather that can go from 15 inches of new snowfall to 80 degrees and balmy in just a day or two. Blossoms in the snow have been sighted recently.

It’s also yer auld Aunt Acid’s birth month!

Just a year ago, the wrappings came off and the beauteous mug that is mine-own shone forth!

In special celebration, here’s a  poster rendered in homage to the style of Alphonse Mucha and his lovely floral femmes.  Al  set the stage for beautiful curves in the art of advertising in his era.

This image also shows how flowers come together. No need to send the kiddies from the room–it’s just art, no birds and bees involved.


Everything’s Coming Up Aunty

March 12, 2009

Aunt Acid In Bloom

Have you been wondering what yer old Aunt Acid’s been up to lately? well, life’s been busy as always. The gang is still renovating the theatre getting ready to Put On Shows and Friday nights are musicly hot at the Blue Swirl Bar and Grill.  While waiting for the paint to dry and those pesky building inspections  (we could have sworn the wiring was still good, but when sparks fly it probably should be the actors emoting, not the lights) the show still goes on..somewhere. Heres a picture of Aunt Acid co-starring in the Off Off Off Off Broadway re-make of “Babes In Bloom”. She wows ‘em once agaian with her stirring rendition of “Money Doesn’t Grow On Trees”. It was true when Flo Ziegfield first produced it in the 1930’s and its still true today, so dont believe anybody that says they’ll plant your dollars for next year’s crop.


Mushrooms From Outer Space

January 30, 2009

mushroom32This is not a bad B movie premise…or rather, it goes far beyond that.

My dear friend Edward says that mushrooms first came to Earth from Outer Space.

He told me that the first spore arrived with meteors that struck the earth, carrying the beginnings of these fruiting funguses. Fungi? Yes, he is, but that’s a different story.

mushroom3b1There are huge, massive, gigundous fungi that spread (some for miles)under the ground. What we know as “mushrooms” are the fruit, springing up after rains, when the weather and soil conditions are right.

The kinds that we can safely eat are just a few of the many that are growing in the wild. Most are pretty toxic to our systems in a liver and life threatening sort of way, so do NOT go out looking for myco-goodies in the cowpats in spring.  Those who study such things (mycology) will tell you that its safest to eat the mushrooms that are commercially grown. Liver failure is not a pretty thing, so stick with the varieties known to be safe…and ever so yummy!

mushroom41

That’s not such limiting advice, either, as there are many wonderful tasty varieties of edible mushrooms. Everybody has seen the button mushrooms sold at grocery stores and beloved on pizza. But there’s so much more! There are many kinds available between the big chain grocers, organic grocers, farmer’s markets and specialty markets. Shitake, Oyster Kings, and Lion’s Beard—some sound like rock bands or something out of Alice’s Wonderland. I like them best when sauteed in butter and garlic. But then, most foods are improved by a heated discourse with butter and garlic.  But maybe not ice cream or pancakes!!


Happy New Year!

December 31, 2008
Happy New Year!

Happy New Year from Madame's House

Ring out the old, ring in the new!! Raise a toast of your favorite libation and drink it down to the dregs–Happy New Year from Madame to all!

This year we celebrate once again with a bottle of chilled Sparkling Cider and good friends at home. Madame is ready to celebrate as well! But she’s not just celebrating the birth of a new year, its Madame’s birthday too!! Born at the end of the year, she’s always ready for the next one to bring wonderful opportunities to celebrate. Her sisters are ready to assist!

Rod is popping out of the buttercream and chocolate cake…good thing Madame doesnt mind a little hair in the frosting, or a little frosting in the hair!

Madame's Birthday

Happy Birthday to Madame!

Madame is 11 inches tall, and made of polymer clay. Photos by Bobby Grieser (1992)


The Holidays at Madame’s House

December 27, 2008
Another Holiday Party at Madames House

Another Holiday Party at Madame's House

There’s always a party at Madame’s place and at this time of year the ladies all keep an eye on the mistletoe as well as on the guests. You never know who will be hanging from the chandelier….

These dolls are between 9 and 11 inches tall, and made of polymer clay. Though created in a different scale than your Dear Auld Aunt Acid, these Shady Ladies are not lesser beings, just smaller.

Older cousins and sisters, and none of them young and dewey-eyed, but still lovely in their own quirky ways, as are we all.  Let me join the Ladies one and all in wishing you happy holidays all throughout the coming year.

These are photos taken by Bobby Grieser in 1992. The princess waiting for Santa on the bearskin rug in the picture shown below is about 10 inches tall, and the setting is fashion doll scale(1×6).


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