Bathroom Blues

November 7, 2009

No, I don’t mean the decor. I’m talking about that feeling you can get at three AM (or anytime at all) when you are ensconced on the porcelain throne and there’s no toilet paper anywhere in sight. Its been years since I’ve had to look around for pages from the Sears catalog; I’ve gotten very fond of two ply tissue instead. So when the roomies use it up and forget about replacements, its a damp and dreary feeling. But never fear! There’s a cure–it starts with a little knowledge and continues with a little bit of thought. In the interest of bathroom humor and etiquette for all, here’s a look at the poster I had made up (using Adobe Illustrator and its awesome 3D modeling tool) for the folks here at my place.

how to change a roll of toilet paper


Aunt Acid’s Baby Book

June 15, 2009

aunt acid baby book

Originally uploaded by sarajane helm

What’s “real” when it comes to art and Adobe Photoshop, or the life of a puppet? That’s not a question that comes down to black and white, or even sepia tone!

If there was a book about Aunt Acid’s turn as a child star in Vaudeville, this would be it. It’s also my homework….

Here’s the “final product” in the Mask Layer and Vanishing Point Filter assignment for my Adobe Photoshop II homework. I love this class!


Aunt Nouveau

May 2, 2009

Aunt March

Originally uploaded by sarajane helm

Here’s Aunt Acid in a Nouveau Arts sort of way!
This was a fun assignment for part of my Adobe Illustrator class final project. It started with a photo for reference, but then I drew/created this image using the tools in Illustrator.  I love doing jewelry parts with the 3d tools and graphic styles and more…the pen tool was tough at first but now I know that its a wonderful thing!! What a great program!!

This one is a calendar pic for March 2010, part of a fictitious (but possible!) calendar featuring Aunt Acid in the homage to the styles of many artists.

Here you have a kinda-Mucha….sorta!

March 2010

Aunty Warhol

April 18, 2009

If Aunt Acid were to write a tell-all book about her life as a modern muse and spokesmodel, this might be it. Of course, she’d NEVER do that—there are some things a body just keeps to themselves, if they are honorable.  And then there’s the stories you tell at private parties but never in print.  Although the most fascinating details might never hit print, there’s always something of interest going in THIS spokesmodel’s career, and its not just hitting the runways, or hitting the help like SOME supermodels. We pick up after ourselves around here, ladies and gents,  in the belief that no one is so special they can’t put their own undies in the hamper.

A calender of artistic spoofs is in the works for some future year, and here you see a print of Aunty in the style of Andy.

Naughty Knitting?

November 30, 2008

cozy11No it’s not! It’s just the right warm and fuzzy accessory for those cold Fall and Winter nights when canoodling might occur.

I refer, of course, to Condom Cozies, created by my dear and thoughtful friend Auntie M., who thoroughly enjoys a good knitting project.

Although she promotes spaying and neutering all the pets, the young humans around need a different sort of encouragement and help so as to not breed too early.

If its going to be Safe Sex, or No Sex, then make sure you have what’s needed either way. Anybody has the right to say “No” at any point, but what if it’s “Yes”? Best to be prepared.

A knitted Condom Cozy is just big enough to stash the essentials, like a prophylactic, and pretty enough to wear.

These lovely little bags are sometimes felted too! And for further detail she uses a piece of her own artisan fused glass cabochons and beads to embellish the front flaps.


She also makes Condom Cozies completely out of fused glass that can be mounted on a bedroom or bathroom wall. Practical and lovely both, keep ’em stocked and be ready to use condoms to prevent unplanned pregnancies and avoid sexually transmitted diseases.

Maybe it IS true that abstinence makes the heart grow fonder…but sometimes things happen.

Stay safe and warm and keep bundled up!

A Curious Letter

November 4, 2008

Dear Aunt Acid, 
Who are you going to vote for (in the presidential election)?

        Well toots, I’m glad you asked. Not because I’m going to satisfy your curiosity on this particular issue, but because it gives me the opportunity to remark once again about what a fabulous country we have right here in the US of A.  As Craig Kilbourne of the Late Show on television once said “America is the best idea for a country ever!” and one of the things that makes us that way is that every four years all the citizens of a certain age have the right to vote, and to do so privately, without fear of repercussions like being beaten or killed for it. Once upon a time not so many years ago, only white men who owned property were allowed a vote. Then it became possible for white men to vote even if they werent wealthy enough to be a landowner. Still later it became possible for men who were not white to vote–and for women to do it too! Even if they were unmarried, unwealthy, and unwhite, women in the last 100 years have been able to participate as citizens who get to make decisions as well as do the work. Yes, kiddies, now all the adults who are legal citizens can vote and we no longer have to stand in lines all day long to do so!! We can vote by mail. We can vote early! (But only in Cook County is there a history of being able to  vote often and even while dead, and the authorities are doing a great job of  stamping that sort of thing out).  One Citizen, One Vote, One Nation. And every vote does count….even if the results are disputed. By voting, we participate in the shaping of our country’s zeitgeist, the prevailing system of beliefs that are lived and are looked at, talked about, and studied. We become more aware of what’s being done, and how it is being done, and by whom. We get to take a look at our needs as a country, we have input to decisions about allocations of spending for healthcare, housing, food, education, and the infrastructure such as roads, bridges and sewers. It gives us the opportunity to become more aware of the world that exists beyond our own homes, out into our neighborhoods and towns, cities, states and our place as a nation in the world. By voting, you have a say in the decisions being made AND you have the right to talk about and criticize any parts you don’t like with the full authority of one who participates! Abraham Lincoln said “He has the right to criticize, who has the heart to help”. (But I’m still not voting for him …this time).

In addition to being bombarded with information about issues and candidates, election years are a time when millions of dollars are spent by all the major political parties. They buy air time on TV and ad space in magazines and newspapers. The printers of all those glossy cardstock full color mailers are happy for the business. Think of all the money spent on tshirts and signs! What a lovely boost for the economy at a time when we certainly need to keep the money circulating around. 

Of course, what also circulates around are the most incredible stories and rumors, hoping to make the candidates look worse than they manage to do all by themselves. Every year I like to listen to the hyperbole, and the wild tales.  This year’s favorite comes from my hairdresser, who has it on very good authority from a friend of her son who is a gamer and has friends on the internet. One of these friends has secret government connections, and has actually seen the report that verifies that Barack Obama was actually born in Bedrock, and early in life fathered a child  who was placed on a doorstep and adopted. (BamBam has no idea; do you think perhaps he should be told…..??) Of course, this tale is nonsense, pure rubble, I mean rubbish. It is no more true than any of the nasty rumors and stories that have circulated in the last few months including the one about McCain and his brother McAble. That man doesnt look like he’d want to hurt anyone, does he? Hmm. Don’t pay ANY attention to this sort of thing! 

But DO vote. 

Aunt Acid


Sweeping Streets and Sweeping Statements

August 19, 2008

Swept Up in Denver

Swept Up in Denver

Denver is all a-flutter, getting ready for the Democratic National Convention. Even the big broom and dustpan sculpture downtown is ready to use, sweeping the debris from the streets and unpleasantness under the carpets. Along with the homeless people, who’re being hustled along so that they won’t look so…homeless, and so here.

Of course, the powers that be say that’s nonsense, there’s nothing like that going on and never was, but news crews do seem to get the move’em on action on camera lately. Along with lovely shots on TV of the newly converted warehouse/holding pens for the masses of arrested persons, should there be any, during the upcoming festivities. After all if indeed there are many thousands of protestors  and only several hundred portapotties, it could get ugly. Many of them were not able to book hotel rooms so you can understand some protest-y natures coming out.  And thats not even considering the stated reasons for the organized protests!

But not to fear, the Law will make sure that the complainers are kept at a distance and arrested when possible, so that things look nice during the convention. Did I mention there’s new carpet at the airport and lots of flowers planted too? Back in 1908 at the first Denver DNC, you can bet there was no carpet at the airport, and no homeless people either. Thats back when train tickets out of town were much cheaper, and the law knew how to use ’em to best advantage. Who needs a holding pen when you’ve got train tracks?

Don’t worry about me, kiddies, the picture above a professional media simulation, and I’m not homeless. I have a VERY nice box. And so your dear old Aunt Acid will keep remarking on whats going on at this major party event, even when I can’t get there in person too safely–or quickly–as the city will be shutting down the major freeway during Mr. Obama’s speechifying. Now that should cause a mess not even a giant broom and dustpan can sweep up!